Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
