yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
