He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
