Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
