just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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