Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
