no, he came in my armpit
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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