The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
