those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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