Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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