were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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