Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
