Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
