I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
