ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
