we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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