saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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