they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
