You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
