I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
