I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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