then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
