the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
