the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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