im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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