did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
