bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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