Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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