I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize