I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
