ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
