This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
