Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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