please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
