Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
