Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
