I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
