Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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