The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
