I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I supernannyed him into submission
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
