i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
