I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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