are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
