wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
