Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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