For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
