The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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