Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
