Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize