I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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