You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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