he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
