We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize