i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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