What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
