Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
