I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
