well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
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My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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