I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
