i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
