Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
